Russ & Moi

Russ & Moi

So when I was 4, I had a Unicorn named Russ! Why Russ? Cause the tag said Russ so I thought it was his name-I lost him when I grew up. This Valentine’s Day my too cute of a Momma found me this little guy whose tag reads-Russ! #Reunited!


Busting out of the Seams…


“Elf” movie variation “I love coffee! Coffee’s my favorite!”

Hello Bloggers! Long time no “speak”.

So I find myself 6 months later returning to spew my guts to strangers! I appreciate you strangers trust me. This stuff is therapy sometimes…pfft! Who am I kidding? Most times…all the time!

And for some crazy reason, knowing strangers might be reading it helps much more than lets say…people you know; face to face.

So with so much to tell you all, what shall I do? Today has been an interesting day. Apparently Im hyper, or well rested or in denial of something, I dont know! I have felt very open and chatty, especially through social media today. I feel bad actually for old followers and new ones I’ve made, seeing my rambling rants throughout today…and as always…with Pictures!

I’m thinking I’ll verbally process some of the deep stuff and then create mini-posts with random pictures and thoughts I have recently had. Not to overwhelm ya’ll all at once, or really bore you guys and scare you off is probably more like it.

SO! First things first!




In all I have seen and been through this last half of the year, this time of year never fails to lift my spirits. Even me at my worst; give me Lights, Christmas music, and holiday drinks in holiday decorated cups and I’m a sucker! Im flying high instantly! Im bias about this month for a few reasons:

1. Its Winter (I love cold seasons-Fall’s my favorite)

2. It’s Christmas time (enough said)

3. It’ll be New Years (fun!)

4. Streets are decorated, trees everywhere are lit…or should be! (magical)

5. People go out of their way this time of year…(selfless love)

6. and…it’s my birthday. (also a given)

It’s as though December arrives and the world enters a magical snow globe of wonders and hope and possibilities…while freaking me out all at the same time cause New Years is also around the corner…sometimes a good thing…something, not so much.

ok ok…so I procrastinated and delayed this entry so much by venturing to get coffee, crazy twitter rants and conversations that now its 12:26 in the morning and my juices dried out like a scared turtle pops back into his shell…apparently my references of turtles are “he’s” …anyway, I believe the heart to heart may have to be for another day. Tomorrow perhaps.

In the mean time, I will share short mini picture blogs because apparently, I’m still in my mile a minute hyper mode from earlier. Feelings, Shmeelings…who wants those right now…tomorrow? maybe. Tonight…now? Nah!

So may you all be enjoying this holiday season so far.

I will say this- I am NOT happy and freaking out about 6 days from now…this will be further explained during my “feelings” rant tomorrow. It came so quickly. Im not ready! I didnt even see it coming!

My…. ::large gulp::…my….::brow produces a sweat::…its…::tugs are collar::….

ok ok, too dramatic I know…but hey! I’m artistic, and left handed…can ya blame a girl?!

I’ll be 29 years old…on the 18th of this month…6 days from now ::heavy sigh::

Its so much more than the fact that its “29” or one year away from…you know…that number that comes after that…

Funny enough I have these genes I definitely got from my Mom, where our entire family ages quite well…so too many times I’ve gotten that I look 18 or 20…Sometimes dont know how I feel about that…but in the end I think…when I’m 40, I will not be complaining! 😉

But again, that will be for tomorrow!

And with that, I bid good night…kinda. I’ll be posting pics and random thoughts from the crazy weird sometimes too scary for outsiders cave in my head…zee brain…

I really do apologize…I truly must be hyper. So yea…I’m done now.



Back to Normal…

Today’s one of those days. After many events in your life have occurred and left you slumped down against a wall with some dirt on your face,  you’re exhausted.

It was a battle. In the end, you won! But after a war, theres blood and things look …well a mess. It’s absorbing the truth of your victory while looking at the mess the war left behind and being left with mixed feelings at first. Then you are told and know you must…well, get back to normal.

Normal…well what does normal look like now? Is Normal now not what Normal then used to be. Is it that it is not or simply that it cant be. Things have been altered. Events have changed. People have changed. I have changed. So now what? What does getting back to “normal” look like?

Something that unraveled in a matter of days and days later it was over, my goodness left such an aftermath to deal with. Maintenance of this new reality thats the new normal requires work. But Im exhausted. I just want to check-out for days and then deal with this new reality…can I?

Nope…cause reality awaits. I mean if I was really emotionally unstable and out of it, I could irrationally run away somewhere right now; but then what? This new found reality that needs work still awaits me when I return. So really…deal with it now and get the “start” over with so it can quickly become the new norm or delay it?

Remember that Gweneth Paltrow and Ben Afflick movie “Sliding Doors”?

Events of life that could change everything. All it took were seconds, one minute or two and it changed possibly a whole course of events that changed completely someones life…Interesting huh?

So waiting or facing it now…it feels kinda like that. If I delay, would it really benefit? What would my tomorrows look like if I would run away and become an ostrich who sticks its head in the sand in fear…

Is it in fear or do they really just like the dark suffocating aspect of their heads in a hole…does it get uncomfortable for their necks? Anyway…I digress.


Here I am choosing to plug my ears with tunes and blog for the world wide web to have fun as they read my personal thoughts. Only slightly more than surface deep cause truthfully, its not wise to share deep dark secrets and emotions with not just strangers but…well…the internet; more than strangers.
I have a good friend; we’ve known each other for a long time now. We were chatting today about the benefits of journal-ing (why is that not a word lol). Anyway, everyone needs to journal.  I dont believe thats a male or female thing or even a personality type thing. The “pensive” or “artsy”…everyone has emotions they are or are not good at expressing. The deep stuff that only few in your life could truly get, embrace and direct through.
Okay, funny random observation through a guilty pleasure. Oh boy cant believe Im about to admit this publicly. (Im big on per-qualifiers before getting to my point) Some of you may laugh after I say this thinking, “that was it?”Anyway no more dragging out, my point…

So I was watching…”The Bachelorette”. Do not ask me why but I just become fascinated watching these people who truly believe they could find “love” on this type of setting. Exceptions “maybe” but definitely not the rule. Over 20 attempts of the Bachelor and Bachelorette and maybe, Maybe! only 3 successful couples?

So I definitely dont watch it to be a “romantic” who loves good sap, cause well…I am who…uh does. I like watching it cause I have always just had a knack for watching relational dynamics between men and women and reading into situations and people in those situations well. I feel like these shows have been fun side research. ::chuckle in public at coffee shop::

So my point…I was watching the finale of one season and apparently the current “Bachelorette” encouraged one of her “guys” to keep a journal through out their process. In the end he wasnt chosen. He was runner up and at the confrontation the journal was mentioned. At that moment I thought, “Huh! Yes…that was genius and I wouldnt have pegged him as the journal writing type. Now I dont believe he did either till she encouraged him and apparently he went to town those 8 weeks writing away every experience and emotion.

I believe everyone hides a certain part of themselves that NO ONE sees. Even when married I believe there might still be a small 5% held back (granted Im speaking of a good, healthy marriage for those of you who scoffed).

There’s parts of ourselves we keep inside. Even talkative people who wear their heart on their sleeves hold aspects of their feelings no one else sees. Even for me, I have a good growing relationship with God and my deep emotions I only trust to Him. I know He will listen and love me so I can be open with Him.

Even still with that, journaling has saved me so many times. For me, I know it’s also due to the fact that I express myself better through writing than verbally. (emotionally not meaning literary wise)

Its always interesting going back a year or 2, 3 or 10 re-reading journals from the past and seeing myself then, in those shoes and reading what I felt. Its great for perspective and motivation for further visioning. So all that to say…I encourage for all to keep current journals.

Why did I start this rant? ….one moment…scrolling up….O right…well I think I made my point. So…moving on!
Back to Normal…

What does that look like? How does one regroup? Well for me…this blog/journal entry helped get some random thoughts out. I feel like I can take a breath and exhale now.

To conclude…this past week kinda sucked but the light I have most definitely seen at the end of the tunnel. The war was won on our side and now is just the cleaning up and maintenance of the win. I will face it now and take steps forward. It is the best decision as I journal about it through the journey.
What ever you are going through momentarily, journal about it. Get the emotions out. Then…tell someone you trust can care for your emotions well. Have someone who can help you see the bigger picture that sometimes we ourselves can not see when we’re in it.

Thats my advice today. Till the next one readers…


What is Love?


Mandi Mapes “Where You Are” from October Baby Soundtrack:

“have you ever seen true Love, do you know what it’s made of, or where it came from? Could it be that the world has left you blind and everyday you pass it by, you don’t even recognize it. Well I know where you are…”

What is love? Why do we crave it? What is it about “love” that pulls all your inside into indescribable, can hardly breathe knots? Are there many versions of “love”? Is it obsessive, aggressive, gentle, passive, complicated, dramatic, pensive, romantic?

When loneliness rears its aching head, is it love we desire to fill the spaces or will any illusion of love do?

What have we been taught, told about “love”?









Is it the right music track in the background under an enchanting night sky with gazing eyes that speak louder than words? Is it wrong song in the background, in broad daylight, with a storm up ahead, next to a garbage can with all the wrong words coming out and nervous eyes?

Is it truly different for everyone or deep down inside is the desire pointing towards the same basic scenario?

Why are we so willing to settle? I speak especially for women because well, one, I am one and two, I believe we think more about the details then men do. Apologies if that’s inaccurate and just a stereotype.

Is it that we don’t know we’re settling? Is it that all the examples we’ve encountered demonstrating this so called “love” thing has been poor miserable crash and burn crime scenes that have built cynicism like a clogged artery around our hearts?

Love which I speak of, yes is of the romantic kind but not only that but also all love. Family, friends, kindness from a stranger and then of course, the only one that never fails. The thing is I could tell you about that one but if you’ve never encountered Him personally then what I speak of would just be hot air you’d toss away as vain illusion of a life crutch. It’s sad but for most of you reading this, that may be the reality. I won’t get into that right now then. Perhaps in the end. Choose to ignore if you will…


Back to my rambling thought process…

Goodness-me music is powerful ladies and gentlemen. Put on the right playlist and writing inspirations and thoughts will flood out in all it’s emo glory! ::had to chuckle to self for that one::

What is it really that we want…when it comes to “love”? Why the “quotations”? Well, let’s face it….most of us don’t even know what Love really is? Not a clue! We have poor warped versions and ideals of it floating around our heads but none of them are reality. So I “quote” love and ask myself and wonder if we ask ourselves what our ideas of “love” are? Who taught us about Love?

Was it our parents beautiful or train wreck of a marriage? Was it the romantic comedies and dramas since childhood, O and especially adolescence? Was it the relationships of those around us; friends, peers, older cousins we looked up to? Was it the man who took advantage of you when you were too innocent to understand? (Serious and hard question but realistically these situations truly mark someone and their interactions with the opposite sex for the future till their free of the pain and anger.)

“all you need is love” sings the classic song of old and “what the world needs now, is love sweet love…” another classic sings through our radio systems. The world is obsessed with Love. Everyone is in constant search for it. It’s the “You’ve arrived” life achievement plate you proudly show off. Truly why do we do the actions and live out our lives the way we do? Even a self absorbed focused career man will get to the point where they say, “I’m ready for love now”.

So what’s the problem?

We don’t know what Love looks like? Or most importantly, where it came from..


Its our life ambition and yet we are running around blind with no clue…

It’s like a race in the woods. Your life depends on it! It’s all you’ve heard about, it’s all you’ve waited for, it’s all you’ve wanted. You are all scattered through out this endless patch of green, dirt and trees. Now some have gone out to find it on their own without being given the go. Some have chosen to just let it look like whatever they feel like for the moment just to instantly get some false glimpse of not feeling lonely

…so they sit and hug a squirrel…sounds ridiculous and funny huh? Yea well so are some of our sad attempts at fulfilling the God given desire for “love”
Others are given the go! It’s time….GO FIND IT!

Find what? … What does it look like? Is it this? That? Which one is right? Will it be blue, purple, red? Do I guess?

Some were created to wait for love to find them…(::cough cough Women! Cough::) while others were created with the assignment to find it and present itself worthy (::cough Men cough cough::)

So now what has happened? The roles for many have been reversed! The ones to run out and find it have become the ones to sit back and wait and the ones who are to wait for it to find them are running and doing a job they were never created to fulfill….so we’re all mixed up and contorted and lack understanding of our roles. When we think we have found it, it’s an all dramatic, chaotic, colliding into bloody messes, falling off the cliff, scratching your knee up through all the thorny branches tragedy.
We sit after all that trying to catch our breath while replaying the last year of our lives and think…”well….this wasnt what I wanted! This wasn’t how I imagined it…”

Now instead of getting back on track and heading back to our post in the woods of waiting or searching (pursuing) we now need this healing hiatus. We’re skeptical and wounded and have trust issues. We’ve messed it up for the next one…

This would be a fun short film to put together…hmmm….need camera equipment and a great editor ::pensive grin::

Does this rant have a conclusion of closure you may ask… ::sigh:: Here’s the thing…the answer to that, is so infinite and beyond our understanding while at the same time simple and accessible that I fear even attempting to define it for you, myself or anyone.

I have witnessed “love” of all sorts, ages, complications through out my short lifetime and beats me why I have been the one to be approached for advise or always the shoulder they run to specifically in these situations but since early teenage years, this has been so. (I grew up quicker than most and had older friends-probably cause I looked physically older as well…anyway….moving on)

I have set a standard in my life for what I know I am worth…here’s the thing. It’s not cause I’m so awesome per say but because I have a very jealous Papa who says I dont deserve anything less than everything He’s hoped for me. This finding love deal, actually finding it, making the choice to run with (insert opposite gender here) is something none of us should take lightly or (be honest with yourself…no ones looking) give up on. If Love is what we are all living for then I can tell you this…we were made for Love!

And though my next statement may erupt instant protest of the contrary due to personal experience, due to witnessed events and people, statistics, ect…this is the fact…

The club, the bar, the random hook up, the stranger from Facebook, or the stranger who caught your scarf when it flew away from your neck gliding through the wind and…pause…he caught it…brought it over and smiled, yea…that is not where and how you find real Love…not the “quotation” love…True Love…its not a movie. It cant happen, develop and conclude in 2 hours time of your life…

Until we deal with our issue and fears of Loneliness; having a person physically there will not solve your problem. Many know this. Having what seems like a reliable body every day near by (momentarily significant other) hasnt removed those still deep seeded feelings of Loneliness.

We cant give what we dont have…we cant project something we’ve never first encountered…

Before anyone else, my first Love that I learn from, work on daily, mess up, then good again, then great must be first from one Man.

He’s your God…calling your name…The only one who has demonstrated Love like no other. Has asked to only be Loved in return hence He literally gave His life and died for you. That’s how much He loves you. You think Romeo was romantic?! He was a bratty teenager who wanted to get his way. Killing himself for Juliet was not cute or romantic.

Jesus…humbled Himself by becoming that which He created from dust and was innocently murdered, endured it cause He was determined to end the separation between you and Him…God. He fights for you then, now, always…He is the most patient of men. He is kind and slow to anger. Its not in Him to be other wise. He’s strong and heroic. He loves passionately and is zealous for the one He loves…which is you! He always says exactly what you need to hear at any moment.

My struggles, my failures in life, my screw ups, my past in a moment are all lifted away, gone…the pain, the reminders…all gone. He did that. He didnt have to. He wanted to. And I did and do nothing to ever deserve it. Who would do that!? And everyday is a new adventure of falling in Love…true love. The sacrificial kind that chooses to love no matter the cost!

Until I let Him take care of all my Loneliness of old, I can not move forward and give my mind, heart to any other…no matter how wonderful.

See, we were made for Love…but its not the kind we’ve been told about. Its so much more than we could have ever imagined or experienced before.

When a man and a woman have found first such a Love that has taken away all regrets, all pain, anger, sorrow of the past, all disillusion, all negative demeaning thoughts, all confusion and doubts, that up and walk away; they find each other in that state and the Love they can now experience is one for the books! Is real love…The kind that emulates the One we were made for…Imagine how magnificent of a Love that would be…two people would then be ready for forever.

First Jesus…then we would know how to give something that we now have and have seen…

Mandi Mapes “Where You Are” from October Baby Soundtrack:

“have you ever seen true Love, do you know what it’s made of, or where it came from? Could it be that the world has left you blind and everyday you pass it by, you don’t even recognize it. Well I know where you are & I see where you’re coming from, I’ve been there myself put my faith in a man-made God, I know where you are…and I know that Jesus paid it all, it is well with my soul! And when the waters rise and stars fall from the skies, I will not be alone…”

This Months Ventures!

Out of the Box and familiar Comforts…

Circuit Riders…what’s a Circuit Rider?

“In 1703 a hero was born and because of this man the world would never be the same. From the time that John Wesley’s heart would be “strangely warmed” to his dying day, he never stopped his tireless work of revival and reformation! Out of his heart was birthed a movement called the Methodist revival, and this move of encountering God, deep devotion through the spiritual disciplines, and great exploits among the poor and the lost would explode in the western world leaving an indelible mark.

The Lord directed us to this piece of history and the stories of these men to inspire us to start the School of the Circuit Rider…The Lord began to speak to us about His desire to release wide-eyed revivalists again who would carry the message of the simple Gospel to the nations of the earth. Out of our study and ongoing guidance from God, the School of the Circuit Rider was birthed in July of 2011”.

Orlando is the first 2012 School of the Circuit Riders 2 week training. There are 6 locations worldwide in total. I have been in Orlando attending the training for a week now. Today was our day off and tomorrow bright and early we venture off back to our crazy action-packed schedule. This whole process has been difficult, amazing, provoking, freeing, crazy, nerve-wrecking, great, tiresome, and wonderful all at the same time. And as I mentioned earlier, that’s just week one! We still have a full week to go!

It’s been enlightening to understand I am not an Evangelist and how that’s okay. What is not okay is that I never speak to anyone about Jesus. Not all are Evangelists but Jesus commanded us all to spread the good news about what He did for every living human being who He breathed life into. (Mark 16:15) There was a line in the Culture of Revival book we received yesterday as part of our curriculum:

“When we realize that sin is only robbing us of all that Jesus died for, then we begin to step into joyful repentance.”

The part that caught my attention was, “…only robbing us of all that Jesus died for…” He didn’t do this for nothing! We are squandering our lives and almost spitting on why He died and what He did which was He did so we wouldn’t have to live fighting darkness, sin, lies and death any longer. Granted, we are but dust, we’re broken, weak human beings which surprises us more than it does the all knowing Creator of all creation so He loves us through the process and has patience with us, guiding us to Forever.

This past week has been giving me clearer perspective that I need to see people with His eyes more. I need to feel the ache that things are not okay, which I do but my heart first goes to the Church, body of Christ, the Bride and aches for her as lost. The beauty of the body is that we each have our mandates and functions that in the end create a Body and come together for the ultimate goal-a people fully in love, living for eternity and bringing glory to God till He returns and forever.

With all that said, I know and ask Him to give me His eyes and heart to approach those who don’t know that He made the greatest sacrifice for Love! Their love!

“There is no God like our God who humbled Himself” -Stuart Greaves

He humbled Himself…God, a King of all kings came and not only became His creation but came as a lowly one purposely. Innocent and Righteous He died a criminals death before the eyes of thousands. Why? Why would anyone much less GOD do such a thing? …for love! And He hasnt stopped or given up chasing after His bride, His creation no matter how many years and generations she has spat back at His face and ran away from Him…

wow…that actually aches my heart thinking of it like this…but it’s true.

So here I am getting to know Him more and more each day. Trying to love Him more and more each day in my weak broken messed up way and knowing this about Him; that He never relents from being patient and kind and chasing after me with eyes of Love, why do I choose to keep this to myself?

So many excuses come to mind… ::sigh:: First of all, for all who think I write and explain myself well, this is due to the fact that I am writing my emotions. They never come out this; put together-verbally in person. I am a verbal processor so rambling jumbled up emotions are what spew out of me.

What else? Well…I guess I care too much what strangers might think or how they’ll react which is ridiculous.

Thats been another awesome thing about this training and journey, understanding the power of believing and speaking out loud. The power of words. All my fears, hesitations, and chains locked at my feet can all just disappear if I just tell them to get out!

Believing it and saying it! Done!

No drawn out process. No expensive scheduled related topic conference. Now sometimes, process does happen and conferences are needed but it was more of a demystifying of this reality that took place in my mind this week about inner healing and deliverance. It doesnt need to be this long drawn out, fighting with the manifested demon in a person event. It can be as easy, as boldly, knowing by faith, as declaring something specific out loud to Go! Done! And receiving His forgiveness after repenting from it; turning away from it, telling it to Go and replacing this past issue that tormented once with Truth!

What Circuit Riders call the 4 R’s.

Repent. Receive. Rebuke. Replace.

What I do miss is the Prayer Room. This week has been amazing but my heart is missing just sitting long hours at His feet. I will return there again soon enough. Until then, I’ll steal every moment I can with Him!

Want to know more about Circuit Riders? Check it out at and on Facebook for pictures from this week at YWAM Orlando

That’s my quick update!

Jesus is a real Man who is also GOD! He is alive because He rose from the dead after three days of His death. He is king forever and will return to the earth to make all the wrong things right! Will you choose to know this Man? He loves you with all His heart, all His mind, all His strength even if you dont love or know Him yet cause He made you with His hands and chose you!

Dont live in loneliness and emptiness anymore. Turn from all the things that He says will only hurt you in the end and tell Him you choose Him too!

Jesus encounter every readers heart and fill it with Truth about Your love that never fails! Amen!

You could say:

“Jesus. I choose you too! I believe You came and died for my sins which separated me from God. I believe that you rose from the dead after 3 days and took power over Death forever. I repent or turn away from all the bad things that dont satisfy at the end of the day. They only leave me empty hence I need more again. I turn away and repent from all my sins. I receive Your forgiveness and salvation from death! I am now Your child forever. Thank You for choosing me, for loving me, for saving me. Im free and will now know true love and happiness forever that is only found in You Jesus! Amen!”

Welcome to the family! 😉

Everything About Jesus is Glorious

Much much much has happened just in the last two months. My thought process of it has as well been very slow. Recently there has been such an amazing increase that the Lord has sent almost like a kiss from heaven. The journey of this increase has become glorious, overwhelming, has meant some sleepless nights, much laughter, the joy of new acquaintances and so much more.

In all this, I have come to see how the Lord has been preparing us many months ago for what was to come. Months back when the state of being hidden was easy due to no one else being in the room and how I ached and desired for that not to be so. Not for myself but for the simple fact that I had come to know this Man in a whole new way that revealed an endless river to be enjoyed and I was falling for this Man more and more and wanted others to encounter Him. How I desired to scream out at times,

“Daughters of Jerusalem, have you known my Beloved! He is fairer than the sons of man, chief among ten thousand, there is NONE like Him or ever will be! Among all the trees in the woods, my Beloved is like an apple tree in the midst of them. Come and see! Come and meet Him! Come away with Him and set Him as a seal upon your arm, upon your heart! For His love is stronger than death!”

Now here we are and that season of being hidden seems to be fading; growing dim and with much joy, it fills my heart but I feel the ache to “Come Away”…

How easy it is to get draw away from Him out of a genuine heart who desires others to know and encounter Him. How easy it is even when in a good place, a right place in our hearts we work work work…work work work to organize, and situate, and gather, and produce and guide and…

So much…so easy for ones mind to become so cluttered that the soft faint lovesick whisper of the One who desires us to be with Him where He is beckons us to look back at Him.

There is so much to who this Man is. Knowing Him, searching out His thoughts and heart and interests, emotions is the journey. The adventure. The quest. The treasure hunt. More precious than rubies or precious stones, is being captivated, fascinated by Jesus Christ. I need to know Jesus. I want to know Him. How nothing else compares to gazing…set gaze everyday, the journey…to set my gaze; my full attention and affections, everything I am, everything I have and yet…

Its so easy to set Him aside, it’s so easy to think we’re putting first in first place, today. Tomorrow will worry about itself (Matthew 6:34) Am I putting first in first place today? Its a good question that like a marriage, we get into that familiar stage where I can feel as though, “Yea! I was with him yesterday and the day before that and I’ll be with him tomorrow and we’ll talk about that or do that together tomorrow.”

And so many times tomorrow’s come and go and next thing we know, a week has gone by and we’ve barely ran by one another; a glance, a half smile. I remember to say hello mid-day and run with the excuse that I’m prepping something nice for Him but the time spent is limited. Its easier this way honestly. The running, the doing. It’s far easier than, stopping… dropping everything (this is where faith must come in that He will get it done, not us in our own strength) …sit at the dinner table face to face. Take a deep breath…and start the conversation.

Start the conversation…the simple…”So, how was your day? …How are you today?…what have You been thinking about today…”

Then the silence….in the waiting…for Him to actually get a word in and speak…He’s been waiting all day for this, maybe even longer.

Everything about Jesus is glorious.

Why wouldn’t I want to spend my every second of everyday waiting to hear what HE has to say. The Man of Glory wants to have a conversation. The Majesty of Heaven, the Father of Glory wants to have a conversation with us.

Nothing else matters. All else is added unto us…

33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:33-34

Nothing else matters…I want to know this Man, this God. I need to know Him.

Do you?

Will you?


Project Inspired -Inspiration & Life Advice for Christian Girls


I stumbled across something very interesting today. A friend on Facebook posted about this model who was labeled in recent articles as the:

Christian Model Says ‘Cosmo’ Has the Devil Written All Over It


At first I overlooked the Facebook post. Later this evening it caught my attention again so I decided to check it out. To my surprise it’s a movement this young woman is launching for young women, girls and teens everywhere.

The last time I got this excited about a writer was when a friend introduced me to “Leslie Ludy’s” books! Which I HIGHLY recommend if you’re a young woman or even if you are not. She has some amazing download of wisdom in reference to relational dynamics between men and women and where some of our “special” behavior comes from.

Image (site where you could find Leslie Ludy’s books. First read “Authentic Beauty” then move unto “Set-Apart Femininity” and then “Answering the Guy Question”…

“Project Inspired” was released by a model/actress who one day realized that all the money and fame in the world, would never amount to happiness. How did she know? She watched many celebrity “friends” in her circle live it and live it miserably, lost, and empty. One of them even died as a consequence of their reckless “living-it-up” lifestyle.

From her site:

“I always wanted to be famous.

I had been modeling and acting since I was 5 years old.  I had been with the same agency in Portland, Oregon for about 8 years, and had appeared in numerous publications, ads, magazines, television commercials.  I had my own checking account by the age of 12, and saw billboards with my face on them as I was being driven to junior high  dances.    But I was a  ”big fish in a small pond”.   I was ready for the big time, and wanted to make it in Hollywood.”

“I moved to Hollywood at the age of 16 and plunged headfirst into the task of becoming an “it” girl. Although I was still in high school, I partied with well-known actors, had an all-access pass to the hottest clubs, and mingled with the see-and-be-seen celebrities. But because I was young and naïve, I neglected the most basic things that actually would help me achieve my goal of fame: getting a headshot and a resume, taking advanced  acting classes, making sure I got enough sleep at night.”

“At 23, I fell into a deep depression. I felt helpless and foolish that had I allowed myself to get into this position. With no college degree and no alternate plan for my life, I knew I had made a huge mistake. I didn’t know where to go.

I turned to every self-help book available: The Law of Attraction, The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, all the Anthony Robbins books – but nothing helped me.

Then everything changed.

Every single night I would look up into the stars and pray for a miracle. I completely gave my life to God. I asked for guidance to lift me out of the horrible situation I was in.  I saw what “making it” did to others in this industry and knew I didn’t want that for my life.  It was at that point that I realized my great truth:

Everything I went through – all I experienced in that dark city – was for a bigger purpose.

<end quote>

Her visually accessible and appealing site is full of forums, and articles she writes herself about fashion, celebrities, and God. She engages with her readers and passionately pursues spreading a message of truth and real beauty only found in Christ. This world has a warped perception of beauty and are training up the past and future generations to think this way. I admire this young woman who the Lord has given a taste of the truth behind the veil of this world; Hollywood and filled her up with wisdom and revelation unto a greater truth and purpose for life. Now she is a voice for the younger female generation who are captivated and fascinated not with Jesus but with glitz and glam and fame of it all; and are modeling their every decision on what this world of Hollywood emulates off of one another. The Lord has directed her to lead an honest and open relationship with her readers by answering the hard questions that churches today are not really asking for themselves, less answering for young teens and young adults who are struggling daily with temptations the world and media claim are normal.

Check out her site, Facebook and twitter pages.

There is a petition on CHANGE.ORG right now that is trying to put a stop to the easy access pornographic magazines that are sold to any age in stores everywhere. Cosmopolitan Magazine features minors, targets minors with celebrity minors while promoting detail, outrageously inappropriate sex-driven pornographic context that I dont believe anyone of any age should be reading but even more so our younger female and male generations.

SIGN THE PETITION! They need 50,000 signatures!

Cosmopolitan Is Aggressively Marketing Explicit Porn Tips to Minors, Put Cosmo In a Non-Transparent Wrapper and Sold to Adults Only!

Support a movement!

In the Name of Jesus…VOLUME II

Continuing my quest to gain language for something I believe in, I found another couple of blog others have posted online that have already written for the most part the blog for me. Giving credit where credit is due.

My last post was bought about from a question a fellow believer asked some of us that was worth searching out. In my heart and spirit I knew there was premise for it but I am not a great teacher, preacher who can memorize the entire bible and holds their own in great debates.

Still gaining in language and understanding, I do know when I get those impressions from my faithful friend Holy Spirit whose molding and teaching me to be like my great love Jesus Christ day by day till I awaken to His likeness. (Psalm 17:15)

Here’s what someone posted about praying in the name of Jesus…

<start quote>

“What does it mean to pray in Jesus’ name?”

Answer: Prayer in Jesus’ name is taught in John 14:13-14, “And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.” Some misapply this verse, thinking that saying “in Jesus’ name” at the end of a prayer results in God’s always granting what is asked for. This is essentially treating the words “in Jesus’ name” as a magic formula. This is absolutely unbiblical.

Praying in Jesus’ name means praying with His authority and asking God the Father to act upon our prayers because we come in the name of His Son, Jesus. Praying in Jesus’ name means the same thing as praying according to the will of God, “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him” (1 John 5:14-15). Praying in Jesus’ name is praying for things that will honor and glorify Jesus.

Saying “in Jesus’ name” at the end of a prayer is not a magic formula. If what we ask for or say in prayer is not for God’s glory and according to His will, saying “in Jesus’ name” is meaningless. Genuinely praying in Jesus’ name and for His glory is what is important, not attaching certain words to the end of a prayer. It is not the words in the prayer that matter, but the purpose behind the prayer. Praying for things that are in agreement with God’s will is the essence of praying in Jesus’ name.”

<end quote>

Also the “Amen” part. I wanted to research this out. I knew it was a prophetic release declaring “So be it!” Here’s a small post I found by the same sight on using “Amen” in prayer:

<start quote>

The Hebrew word translated “amen” literally means “truly” or “so be it.” “Amen” is also found in the Greek New Testament and has the same meaning. Nearly half of the Old Testament uses of amen are found in the book of Deuteronomy. In each case, the people are responding to curses pronounced by God on various sins. Each pronouncement is followed by the words “and all the people shall say Amen” (Deuteronomy 27:15-26). This indicates that the people applauded the righteous sentence handed down by their holy God, responding, “So let it be.” The amen attested to the conviction of the hearers that the sentences which they heard were true, just, and certain.

Seven of the Old Testament references link amen with praise. The sentence “and all the people said, Amen, and praised Jehovah” found in 1 Chronicles 16:36, typifies the connection between amen and praise. In Nehemiah 5:13 and 8:6, the people of Israel affirmed Ezra’s exalting of God by worshipping Him and obeying Him. The highest expression of praise to God is obedience, and when we say “amen” to His commands and pronouncements, our praise is sweet music to His ears.

The New Testament writers all use “amen” at the end of their epistles. The apostle John uses it at the end of his gospel, his three letters, and the book of Revelation, where it appears nine times. Each time it is connected with praising and glorifying God and referring to the second coming and the end of the age. Paul says “amen” to the blessings he pronounces on all the churches in his letters to them, as do Peter, John and Jude in their letters. The implication is that they are saying, “May it be that the Lord will truly grant these blessings upon you.”

When Christians say “amen” at the end of our prayers, we are following the model of the apostles, asking God to “please let it be as we have prayed.” Remembering the connection between amen and the praise of obedience, all prayers should be prayed according to the will of God. Then when we say “amen,” we can be confident that God will respond “so be it” and grant our requests (John 14:13; 1 John 5:14).” <end quote>

“It is the glory of God to hide a matter, and the glory of a king to search it out” Proverbs 25:2

1 Corinthians 2:9-10

“but as it is written: Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man, the things which God has prepared for those who love Him”!

Aren’t you curious! The Genesis 1 Uncreated God of all creations has things prepared for us who love Him and He’s telling us we can’t even fathom it! It would blow our minds and yet, He sent His promise, Holy Spirit to not dwell just WITH us anymore but dwell IN us!

verse  10 “But God has revealed them to us through His Spirit. For the Spirit searches ALL things, yes, the deep things of God.”

Just so He can reveal them to us. Search out the word! Dont just memorize theology but in prayer and intimacy talk to Him, ask Him for understanding.

Joshua 1:8 “This Book of the Law (now through the unveiling on the cross-the entirety of the Word which is truth) shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day & night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.”

Jesus came for many reasons but I will highlight that He came to deal away with religion and get to the heart. He came to “offend minds to reveal hearts” and demonstrate that everything is considered in regards to the intentions and attitude of one’s heart. (He spoke about this even way before His first coming-just read David’s psalms and quotes) “Consider your ways!” (Haggai 1:7)

In the end, there is so much about this Man we need to know. This morning, I heard a man, his name is Daniel Lim speak on Revelati0n 1:8 Jesus is speaking to John in the island of Patmos saying “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End,” says the Lord “who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty.”

<you can check out the teaching from the webstream archives here  -Should be available if not tonight, then possibly tomorrow.>

Christology should be daily our Bible Study. We do not know this Man Jesus! The greatest theologian I can almost confidently say, does not know Jesus! He is the least spoken about subject in the body of Christ…what is that!? We know a little about the Jesus who was, we like the Jesus who is cause it’s kinda always about us isnt it? And we know NOTHING about the Jesus who is to come.

Why? Because Eschatology, End Times teaching is a taboo in the Church of America (I cant speak for other nations). The world is fascinated with Eschatology-

Definition of ESCHATOLOGY

1: a branch of theology concerned with the final events in the history of the world or of humankind

2: a belief concerning death, the end of the world, or the ultimate destiny of humankind;
But are not searching out Christ centered truths about it. Movies make end of the world scenarios all the time. Now with this year, 2012 here we have the Mayan Calendar debacle. We have seen for years tons of writings and TV series on Nostradamus. The world is fascinated and as followers of Jesus Christ we have nothing to offer and bring to the table in regards to the Truth of the End Times. Jesus while on earth spoke most about the generation before His second coming and taught the signs of the times and what the great destruction would be like.
Read Matthew 24-25, read Luke 17:1-18:8 -Just a start…then of course we have the book of the prophets who spoke on it i.e. Daniel chapters 9, 10, 11 and we have the great big “bad” book no one wants to talk about…Revelation.
Interesting enough, Jesus is the least spoken about subject in the American church and the taboo book in the body of Christ is the “Revelation of JESUS CHRIST” book…
We need to read our own Bibles! Friendly and healthy conversations with one another will challenge us to know what we do and do not believe in…Dont shrink back and just accept defeat…Search it out! Search the living God out who made Himself accessible to us through the blood of His Son, Christ Jesus who lives to make intercession for us right now! (Hebrews 7:25) He is for us! He’s on your side! Search Him out!
May He release grace to us all to go deeper as His deep calls our deep and may He increase His Spirit over us, through us, in us to gain understanding. In all our getting, get understanding! (Proverbs 3:7) In Jesus name, Father release the knowledge and  glory of who You are. Reveal to us, “Christ in us, hope of glory!” So be it according to Your will! Amen

In the name of Jesus…VOLUME I

Someone recently challenged some of us with this thinking. “Why do you end your prayers with  “In the name of Jesus, Amen”? In my heart I knew there was premise for it but didnt have the language yet to speak life unto what I felt a conviction in my spirit for. So here we are…”It’s the glory of kings to search it (a matter-God) out” -Proverbs 25:2


There is power in the name of Christ Jesus. The Apostles as examples prayed in the name of Jesus.

Acts 16:18 “She was doing this for many days. But Paul, becoming greatly annoyed turned and said to the spirit, “I charge you in the name of Jesus Christ to come out of her!” it came out that very hour.”

Acts 3:6 But Peter said “Silver and gold have I none, but what I have, that I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, get up and walk!”

Acts 4:30 “While you stretch our your hand to heal; and that signs and wonders may be done through the name of Your holy Servant Jesus.

Its the attitude of the heart and depth of our souls that have searched out this Man and gained understanding of the unsearchable riches that dwell within this name that is like ointment poured forth (Songs of Solomon 1:3)

I’m separating this into volumes; if you will, due to the fact that I was gathering information to write about it myself but found someone who pretty much wrote it for me. Why fix something that’s not broken. So as the first “Volume” here is what a man named David Reagan wrote on the matter…

<start quote>

Praying in the Name of Jesus

Content Author:
Reagan, David

Do you close your prayers with something like, “in Jesus’ name, Amen?” You may word it a little differently. But many of you will use some formula to indicate that your prayer is in the name of Jesus. Where do we get this? Is it biblical? What does it mean to pray in Jesus name?

First, let us establish that it is scriptural to pray in the name of Jesus. Consider the following verses:

  • John 14:13
    – And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.
  • John 14:14
    – If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it.
  • John 15:16
    – Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.
  • John 16:23
    – And in that day ye shall ask me nothing. Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, he will give it you.
  • John 16:24
    – Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full.
  • John 16:26
    – At that day ye shall ask in my name: and I say not unto you, that I will pray the Father for you.

You will notice that in all of them Jesus tells His disciples to pray to the Father in His (Jesus’) name. But is this just a formula or is there something more to it? In order to get to the bottom of praying in the name of Jesus, we need to consider three things: (1) the biblical concept of name, (2) the importance of God’s name, and (3) what it means to act in someone else’s name. Then, we will be ready to look at praying in Jesus’ name.

The Biblical Concept of Name

We must first realize that the concept of name in scripture involves much more than a tag that identifies that person and distinguishes him or her from other people. Although it does do that, it also has a much deeper meaning. Name in scripture represents the very essence of the person. A person’s personality, character, reputation and authority are all wrapped up in his name.

  • Proverbs 22:1
    – A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favour rather than silver and gold.
  • Ecclesiastes 7:1
    – A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death than the day of one’s birth.

Notice the extraordinary value of a good name. Besides a man’s soul, this is the most important possession a man has. We should cherish a good name because it refers to virtue and integrity. It must be nurtured and respected as a most precious possession.

The Importance of God’s Name

That also explains why God’s name is so often exalted in scripture. God’s name is a declaration of the greatness of His person. Consider these verses:

  • Psalm 8:1
    – O LORD our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth! who hast set thy glory above the heavens.
  • Psalm 103:1
    – Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.
  • Psalm 113:1-3
    – Praise ye the LORD. Praise, O ye servants of the LORD, praise the name of the LORD. Blessed be the name of the LORD from this time forth and for evermore. From the rising of the sun unto the going down of the same the LORD’S name is to be praised.
  • Psalm 148:13
    – Let them praise the name of the LORD: for his name alone is excellent; his glory is above the earth and heaven.

Because God’s name is excellent, we are to exalt it in our prayer and in our praise. Jesus taught His disciples to pray, “Hallowed be thy name” (Matthew 6:9). One day every knee shall bow at the feet of Jesus (Romans 14:11). Why? “God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name” (Philippians 2:9). His exalted name brings worship and praise.

We now understand the importance of a name in scripture. We also know that God’s name is exalted above all other names. Now, what does it mean to do something in the name of someone else?

Acting in the Name of Another

Doing something in someone else’s name has two implications. First, you come by the authority of the other person. You are not coming in your own authority but because someone else authorized you to take these actions. When David fought Goliath, he came unto him “in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom thou hast defied” (1 Samuel 17:45). He was not coming in his own power or authority but in that which belonged to God alone. This gave David the authority and ability to fight against the giant Goliath…and win.

Second, when you come in someone’s name, you come in his stead. The person to whom you come is expected to react to you, not on the basis of who you are, but as if the person who sent you was there himself. They are to treat you as they would treat the one who authorized you to come. When David sent servants to Nabal to ask for food, “they spake to Nabal according to all those words in the name of David” (1 Samuel 25:9). Therefore, when Nabal insulted David’s servants (who came in David’s name), he insulted David just as directly as if he had spoken to him to his face.

APPLICATION: Praying in the Name of Jesus

Now, let’s apply this to praying in the name of Jesus. What is the significance of this? First, it means that when we come to the Father, we come because Jesus sent us. It is not simply our own idea to speak to the God of heaven and earth. We are sent to Him by His own Son. No wonder we walk into the throne of grace in boldness (Hebrews 4:16). If one of the angels were to ask us on the way in, “What are you doing here?”…We can reply, “The Son sent me.” What a glorious commission! We are sent by the Son to seek help from the Father!

Second, the Father is obligated to treat us as He would His own Son because we come in His stead. We represent the Son when we come to the Father. You don’t believe this? You say that this is just too much? Then listen to these verses.

  • Ephesians 1:5-6
    – Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will, To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved.
  • Romans 8:17
    – And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.

We are adopted into the family of God as children. We are accepted in the beloved. Since Christ is the beloved Son, that means that the Father accepts us as He would His own Son. Finally, we are joint heirs with Jesus Christ…

You see the benefit of coming to the Father in the Son’s name. However, is this just referring to adding a phrase to the end of our prayers? No. It is much more than that. It means that you come to the Father with the knowledge that your only right in approaching Him is that Jesus died on the cross for your sins and that He Himself has sent you to the Father. It means that you know that you are totally unworthy of receiving anything from God and that the only reason God should grant your requests is that you come in Jesus’ name. It is not a magic formula, but a heart attitude.

Often, in my times of serious prayer about a particular need, I will spell this out. I acknowledge that I am unworthy to receive anything from God. I affirm that I come only in the name of God’s Son Jesus Christ. I remind God of what He said in Romans 8:32 [“He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?”]. I remind Him that He did not withhold His own Son from me and that He promised not to withhold any good thing from me. I declare that I only ask for these things in the name of His Son.

In all my prayers, I try to say, “in Jesus’ name.” However, I know that the phrase means nothing without the heart attitude. I am nothing. Therefore, who I am makes no difference. But, when I come in the name of Jesus–that is authority and that is power! <end quote>


Anything worthy to say…

Interesting when starting a blog or perhaps you just think; shouldn’t I start a blog? It’s been a while and for some crazy reason, people stumble across this random pile of thoughts and I believe actually read it; so the question that crosses your mind…”Do I have anything worthy to say?”

It’s one of those moments, where it’s past midnight and song writing isn’t flowing, fingers are being fidgety not wanting to play the guitar tonight like a five year old, throwing a tantrum about not eating broccoli…so you think, “perhaps I have something to write about?”

Let’s start then with my trip…

Kansas City was amazing. My visit was terribly short unlike this post about KC that is terribly late since I returned weeks ago already. Coming back home was very much bitter sweet.

We went to a Renaissance Fair (my first ever!) as well as to the Melting Pot for the first time for some amazing chocolate fondue for “happy hour” which meant chocolate awesomeness for $5! (no alcohol purchase necessary, which works out since I dont desire or fancy the taste of alcohol. I can find better ways to escape my day or life for a few hours without the indulge).

We went to a Louisiana JAZZ restaurant joint that was true to the theme and the food was quite delicious. Though I believe I am not the best critic since one, I do not eat sea food and two, I have a ridiculously low tolerance for anything spicy…so…the chicken and non spicy stuff was DELICIOUS! ::chuckle to self knowing how sad that reality is::

Of course the best part of the whole thing was my wonderful, brilliant writer, beautiful, funny and witty best friend Heather Lee’s presence which I missed terribly! It was her birthday week as well. I was ecstatic and honored to be a part of the celebration!

These past few days I’ve been reminiscing my Theater geek days and remembering how much I always wanted to do Musical Theater. If it wasnt for the cut-throat, win at all cost (even murder), overtly sexual environment that doesnt remotely have a clue of what the idea of “Boundaries” means, while exuding the sad insecurities of vanity and
“dumb luck for another was all it was” venture; I would have fought harder to be in that world.

Shows like “Glee” (great concept minus the inappropriate …well everything per episode) and movies like “Phantom of the Opera” which I wasnt very fond of when it first came out. Saw it randomly on television the other day and appreciated the music and principle actors acting better now…7 years later. Anyway, these little momentary hiccups in my day have had me thinking about the arts…performing arts mainly.

It’s such a powerful tool… I think of Musicals and how they can portray the emotion of a moment, a scene, a thought so powerfully all because Music says most times what we feel or think way better than regular dialogue or a monologue can.

We truly are musical creatures. It’s in our DNA…no, seriously, it’s literally in our DNA…research it, it’s pretty cool and just makes sense the Creator of all creation would create us to respond that way with every fiber in our beings.

How I wish talented, gifted performers, writers, ect would rise up in Jesus Christ and with integrity, knowledge of the Word, and genuine depth in prayer would bring to life all we know, encounter and feel to a powerful halt of sound; the silence of awe and beauty beholding…Things never seen before, scores never heard before because Heaven opened from above and dropped in mercy a piece of the beauty of holiness…

When will performers in Christ stop defining each other by the worlds standards and “greats”. Mind you, these so called greats and legends they base all their talent and inspiration on were either, suicidal, or reckless, irresponsibly sad accidental deaths, were tormented, never satisfied and families fell apart as they played their “genius” alone and haunted…”yes…cause that’s exactly what I want to be when I grow up!”::cued sarcasm::

Dont ask me who my favorite Director is, or who are my musical influences just so you could define me and label me and whatever talent I may have as worthy or not. Why do Christians base standards on whats on this decaying earth rather than what’s set above? This is why we’re still waiting for the sounds of heaven never heard before that would revolutionize Music, or concepts and ideas demonstrating Truth in the word powerfully instead of in a cheap, cheese-factor kind of manner…

WE NEED A HOLY RENAISSANCE to sweep every Artist who proclaims to know this Man, Jesus Christ!

(p.s. I’m preaching to the choir here…meaning myself included)

May grace takes us deeper still… Spring up O well within us