I would have liked, I believe to have gone through the whole college experience. I watch movies (which of course I know fabricate the truth of such experiences) and I’m not focused on the character’s role in all this. What I’m looking at is everything else around them. The trees on bright lawns of green, the gorgeous architecture of the structures encircling them, students with books…large books in their hands, leaning against one of those brilliant trees reading, conversations from passerby, ect…
I look at that and go, “hmm…I wouldve loved to been one of them…maybe I can… (chuckle to self) yea nevermind. Though appearance wise I can pass off being mistaken for the 19-21 category, the truth of my age would just make my attendance a sad…sad thing to behold.
Perhaps its just my love of books…unfortunately my love for carrying them, owning them, buying them goes far deeper than my love for reading them. I was never a reader growing up. I came from an entertainment driven family. A T.V. in every room. No one ever encouraged or inspired reading around me so here I am today finding myself at a constant mentoring of myself to read all the books that fill my bookshelf and make me so happy. So again, yes perhaps its the love of books, coffee and cozy surroundings that draw me to curiosity about the “collegiate life”. But not just any, I think of the sad-looking schools in my area and have NO desire to explore this hidden curiosity there. I want beautiful, historic structures that one could get lost in; another place, another time. That right there would require living in another state completely…and being quite intelligent to even be accepted on such grounds…oh yea and theres the whole turning back time and attempting this whole life after high school all over again…fabricating an old great grandparent of great wealth who has suddenly discovered their unfailing admiration and love for my existence hence giving me a butt load of money wouldn’t have been so bad either in this re-do scenario.
If I had truly applied myself, I wonder if I could have been a great student. After high school, the corporate 9-5 world found me and my situation needed my attention. I had aspirations and dreams. They were all artistic.
Funny story, a few years later I had the opportunity to pursue school again. I decided I wanted to get into FIU’s Theater program. I somehow got all the information and audition dates. I prepared and went to audition. A friend had come with me to wait. I was terrified. I was reviewing my monologue. It was a long day. I was one of the last auditions. I went in and performed a monologue from David Mamet’s Oleanna. I found the piece online and never had read the play. Thats a “no no”. Once I was done auditioning in this typical small black box theater (love that!) in front of 3 judges sitting directly in front of me they of course questioned if I was familiar with the material, had I ever read it. I was honest and said, no. They gave me the slap on the hand look but in the end, they liked my performance.
The next day I found out I was accepted into the theater program. I was ecstatic! I couldnt believe that they had found me worthy! I was already in love with the department building. I had been there for District competition when I was in high school theater. They made an appointment for me to come in, see the department leader and start my bright future here in this university.
So…there was this one…small…minut detail I needed to first discuss with my new fearless leader. I went in that bright Monday morning, sat in her office and she was confused. She was looking everywhere in the system for me. Wasnt I registered? Yea, so what had happened was, I never applied to the school. Somewhere in my mind I had convinced myself that, if only I can just secure my spot first in the department, everything else would work itself out…right? No.
She looked disappointed and it made me feel good that she was excited to have me and terrible for needing to walk away from this great opportunity that could have changed the course of my life.
Thats just it huh? For those of you who believe everything happens for a reason, well, there it is. This life changing opportunity gave me a taste and spit me back out with the rest of the world. All for some back on life-course reason right? Honestly, dont ask me now, I still dont see the big picture.
Anyhoo, my many attempts at returning to school and trying something new and old, always met me with face slammed by the door conclusions. Something…something always happened and so my college adventures were always short-lived.
All that to say…It would have been nice to experience that. Interesting to think back and wonder how different choices, opportunities, experiences could have, would have made us very different people today because of them. Who would I have been? What would have been my interests, thoughts, ideals? Random but curious thought.
Well off to bed to continue hopefully a good book.