Back to Normal…
Today’s one of those days. After many events in your life have occurred and left you slumped down against a wall with some dirt on your face, you’re exhausted.
It was a battle. In the end, you won! But after a war, theres blood and things look …well a mess. It’s absorbing the truth of your victory while looking at the mess the war left behind and being left with mixed feelings at first. Then you are told and know you must…well, get back to normal.
Normal…well what does normal look like now? Is Normal now not what Normal then used to be. Is it that it is not or simply that it cant be. Things have been altered. Events have changed. People have changed. I have changed. So now what? What does getting back to “normal” look like?
Something that unraveled in a matter of days and days later it was over, my goodness left such an aftermath to deal with. Maintenance of this new reality thats the new normal requires work. But Im exhausted. I just want to check-out for days and then deal with this new reality…can I?
Nope…cause reality awaits. I mean if I was really emotionally unstable and out of it, I could irrationally run away somewhere right now; but then what? This new found reality that needs work still awaits me when I return. So really…deal with it now and get the “start” over with so it can quickly become the new norm or delay it?
Remember that Gweneth Paltrow and Ben Afflick movie “Sliding Doors”?
Events of life that could change everything. All it took were seconds, one minute or two and it changed possibly a whole course of events that changed completely someones life…Interesting huh?
So waiting or facing it now…it feels kinda like that. If I delay, would it really benefit? What would my tomorrows look like if I would run away and become an ostrich who sticks its head in the sand in fear…
Is it in fear or do they really just like the dark suffocating aspect of their heads in a hole…does it get uncomfortable for their necks? Anyway…I digress.
Here I am choosing to plug my ears with tunes and blog for the world wide web to have fun as they read my personal thoughts. Only slightly more than surface deep cause truthfully, its not wise to share deep dark secrets and emotions with not just strangers but…well…the internet; more than strangers.
I have a good friend; we’ve known each other for a long time now. We were chatting today about the benefits of journal-ing (why is that not a word lol). Anyway, everyone needs to journal. I dont believe thats a male or female thing or even a personality type thing. The “pensive” or “artsy”…everyone has emotions they are or are not good at expressing. The deep stuff that only few in your life could truly get, embrace and direct through.
Okay, funny random observation through a guilty pleasure. Oh boy cant believe Im about to admit this publicly. (Im big on per-qualifiers before getting to my point) Some of you may laugh after I say this thinking, “that was it?”Anyway no more dragging out, my point…
So I was watching…”The Bachelorette”. Do not ask me why but I just become fascinated watching these people who truly believe they could find “love” on this type of setting. Exceptions “maybe” but definitely not the rule. Over 20 attempts of the Bachelor and Bachelorette and maybe, Maybe! only 3 successful couples?
So I definitely dont watch it to be a “romantic” who loves good sap, cause well…I am who…uh does. I like watching it cause I have always just had a knack for watching relational dynamics between men and women and reading into situations and people in those situations well. I feel like these shows have been fun side research. ::chuckle in public at coffee shop::
So my point…I was watching the finale of one season and apparently the current “Bachelorette” encouraged one of her “guys” to keep a journal through out their process. In the end he wasnt chosen. He was runner up and at the confrontation the journal was mentioned. At that moment I thought, “Huh! Yes…that was genius and I wouldnt have pegged him as the journal writing type. Now I dont believe he did either till she encouraged him and apparently he went to town those 8 weeks writing away every experience and emotion.
I believe everyone hides a certain part of themselves that NO ONE sees. Even when married I believe there might still be a small 5% held back (granted Im speaking of a good, healthy marriage for those of you who scoffed).
There’s parts of ourselves we keep inside. Even talkative people who wear their heart on their sleeves hold aspects of their feelings no one else sees. Even for me, I have a good growing relationship with God and my deep emotions I only trust to Him. I know He will listen and love me so I can be open with Him.
Even still with that, journaling has saved me so many times. For me, I know it’s also due to the fact that I express myself better through writing than verbally. (emotionally not meaning literary wise)
Its always interesting going back a year or 2, 3 or 10 re-reading journals from the past and seeing myself then, in those shoes and reading what I felt. Its great for perspective and motivation for further visioning. So all that to say…I encourage for all to keep current journals.
Why did I start this rant? ….one moment…scrolling up….O right…well I think I made my point. So…moving on!
Back to Normal…
What does that look like? How does one regroup? Well for me…this blog/journal entry helped get some random thoughts out. I feel like I can take a breath and exhale now.
To conclude…this past week kinda sucked but the light I have most definitely seen at the end of the tunnel. The war was won on our side and now is just the cleaning up and maintenance of the win. I will face it now and take steps forward. It is the best decision as I journal about it through the journey.
What ever you are going through momentarily, journal about it. Get the emotions out. Then…tell someone you trust can care for your emotions well. Have someone who can help you see the bigger picture that sometimes we ourselves can not see when we’re in it.
Thats my advice today. Till the next one readers…