So, talk about having life take a sharp vertical turn due South, feeling buried alive, congested and pressured to then left field serene bliss of gravity altering crashing waves of falling in love all over again…yea…and get this; all in ONE week.
So in the midst of this “Speech Fast” which by the way of course I was completely sucking at which I think was kinda the point; too many chaotic circumstances just did not permit me to fully enter in the season I have waiting so eagerly for. I have wanted so bad to soar through this consecration I’ve heard about, from Him and others since before August but it just had not taken off yet. After the weekend at Orlando House of Prayer with Rhonda Calhoun I was on a hot seat with a firecracker attached to my back ready to dive in to the deep deep….deep waters.
But of course it didn’t end up turning out to be as I assumed it to be once again. He (God) loves destroying our little ideals we box Him and His plans into.
As my speech fast continued to suck and I awaited “lift off” , the weekend that changed EVERYTHING arrived. It was a lovely Sunday morning. I was awfully excited about an encounter with an old mentor who just so happen to be near enough to town to visit for one day. Prepped the car, got the Best Friend in the passenger seat (Heather, not Holy Spirit-though He was there too waiting to help bandage the licked wounds) and we headed off, hmm…now that I think about it, the rain should have tipped me off…
Visited another House of Prayer (Ft. Pierce and Penny are amazing by the way) and then the talk…the “How are things?” talk. See and with this be-loved mentor, there is always going to be more than just small talk involved. He dug in…yea…he dug in deep into the unknown crevices, and I mean UNKNOWN. I had no idea they were there, existing in me. Heather got her own wind knocked out of her but thats her story for another day, another audience.
Here I am, in a city I swore I never would return to ever live in and doing what I protested I would never be (an Anna in the House of the Lord) and I thought I was moving forward and up! Then “he” spoke! (chuckling to myself) even worse, he spoke using the WORD. OF. GOD….”dum Dum DUUUUMMMMM!” ::cued sound effects::
I’m being dramatic I know but to even give you a taste and inkling of my hectic whirlwind encounter this past week, I must embellish in literature as much as I can.
Pretty much the idea was that I needed to make some sacrifices and changes if I want long term sustainability and growth. Changes that to me at the moment seem to portray (O if you knew what I really wanted to reference, I chuckle) seem to portray, hm…let’s say ripping a toe nail off (gross I know).
I left Ft. Pierce that late evening silent as tears streamed down my cheeks and my best friend by my side silently processing herself. Then somehow a kiss from the Lord (this is where I believe the Holy Spirit who tagged along the whole way rode in to ease the tension roaring in our hearts), Heather and I eventually in denial had many random moments of laughter, silliness, then silence….again…2 and a half hours…
The next day kinda sucked (Monday morning….giving you a play by play here) and then…I got sick as a dog!
I dont catch colds easily so when I do, they hit me hard. In the midst of my emotional turmoil, I was also physically decaying from a sinus head cold. It was a week of hell of sorts. I dealt and wrestled and grew numb and fought ideas I had coming in pertaining to what I was advised by godly wisdom from elders (older, wiser people who spoke into our lives). I realized what I would have to do and what it might look like though let’s get real, we NEVER really know what it looks like.
Somewhere along the line of this week, I kinda accepted my fate still even now not knowing what it will look like. Then Saturday happened…
I stayed home all week resting from this cold and trying to regain energy to not keel over and die all day Saturday during a 12 hour prayer and worship Solemn Assembly.
Only by GRACE did i wake up at 7am Saturday morning and took on the tasks of that day.
I fell in love with Him all over again…
I will admit, I was a little bit, tinsy-winsy upset at Jesus this week cause I couldn’t see or understand and it hurt and bothered me. He looks down wanting to aid my pain but smiles in love at me knowing Saturday would come…
The 12 hour Solemn Assembly was held in a location much further than where we did it last and some worried many wouldn’t come because of it. I walked in and as things began at 10am I was grateful to the Lord for opening the opportunity of having it in such a space. It was a perfect size in my opinion and the atmosphere was so free and open to receiving without striving the presence of my Beloved.(Jesus)
The day progressed and got better and better each 2 hours. There may not have been many people there but the hearts were so genuine that were there and the worship was by Grace soaring to new heights as each team went on.
By the end of the night, my heart was alive. I had not suffered any symptoms from my sickness all day and I was charged and strengthened, not needing anything or wanting to leave that space at all.
It was 12 hours and it felt like there was no such thing as Time at all. As the the last one man band stepped onto the stage to end the night’s last 2 hours; though misjudged by first appearances I’m sure, something in me said-he might surprise us…
The Lord took that young man by the hand, guided his every strum and pluck of his guitar strings, grabbed a hold of his voice and took the entire room to a place I hope to never forget… The room elevated, lost gravity for a time filling the air with a lightness and intensity all at the same time. I encountered the One I love last night and I never wanted to leave that moment, which then excited me to a whole new level again for eternity! To sit in the physical midst of love songs to the Lord as I am face to face with Him, feeling Him and the Father, one with them “always and forever” my heart leaped with such love-filled anticipation… O to know Jesus truly people is greater than anything this world has fooled us into thinking worthy of our time, thoughts and affections.
I can try and tell you all about Him but I still lack the language and understanding of who He is and all my knowledge in the world could not convince you, it’s an encounter with the One who created you with His hands, dreamed about you before the foundations of the earth…But, I can pray…I can take my governmental position on this earth and come into agreement with His lovesick heart and ask for His Spirit to encounter you as only He can do. Show Himself true to you as only He knows you need to experience and feel in order to believe. I can pray for us as the Church to learn how to love as He loves so you may see and want it. The day is coming when He’ll return and my cry is that He would make us ready…
So believe it or not, that was just skimming the surface of this week. I will not over anticipate or eagerly believe I have any ability of my own to walk into a consecration unto life without His guidance and direction. I just leave my hand free for His hand to hold and I will just stare into His eyes as He leads…
Cause I just want “to sit at His feet… lay back against Him and breathe, feel His heart beat” cause His “love is so deep, it’s more than I can stand, I melt in His peace, it’s overwhelming…”
I love Him and He is so in love with me, therefore I am successful and nothing else is worth my heart…I pray you can meet this Man who is fairer than all the sons of man on this earth…I pray His Abba Father of glory would make Him, Jesus known to you as you’ve never known before cause mere words of men could not express or explain the beauty of this Man. I pray you open yourself up to being wooed by Him whose love is so much better than what this world offers (music, movies, entertainment, celebrity crushes, false pleasures, riches, fame, momentary numbing of drugs, alcohol, the anger and false fulfillment of rage and revenge, heart breaks, lost identity and purpose, the American Dream…ect)
Blessings and Grace to you all to run with endurance, those who already know Him and may salvation spring up from your hearts, those who don’t know how wonderful this Man is, and He’s already madly in love with you!
Posted on October 31, 2010, in Uncategorized and tagged American Dream, beloved, celebrities, cold, eternity, falling in love, fate, Ft. Pierce, guitar, guitar strings, House of Prayer, Jesus, love, music, OHOP, Orlando House of Prayer, sick, sinus cold, solemn assembly, speech fast, whiplash, worship. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.