LIFE … cope with the unexpected

Let’s Get Personal


Normally, I am pretty general about blog topics and keep things less “personal” but I have a lot on my mind and to write is healing for me.

I will try and not bore ya’ll too much and incorporate many pretty, interesting or at least relevant PICTURES! yay!

Life… What a vast topic. Each life it’s own with it’s own experiences (never two the same) and all it’s intricate dynamics. How to cope with the unexpected. Sudden unexpected? No… this is more about LIFE not turning out so far as you thought, hoped, dreamed it to be.

<~~~~ LOOK at this poor fella’. I know him, cause I WAS him. Straight out of High School I attempted the 9-5 for 5 years. It was a necessity. But my heart’s goal to be involved somehow in the Arts (performing) never ceased. It was always there and strong.

From the moment I stepped into a Theater and on stage I realized that not only I could do this, but that I LOVED it, it was over! I had to be in this world of Music, Theater, Film, Dance and all!

Throughout the years I dabbled in all of them.

When my 5 years were up and realized how miserable I was, I left to make a change!

I auditioned and searched for all sorts of opportunities.

I attempted to study theater twice.

I enrolled in Film School.

Here’s a funny one. My best friend and I were convinced we were gonna be Rock Stars. (wow, there must be a pattern, cause now that I think of it, my high school best friend and I thought we’d be a Pop Duo. We auditioned for labels and all ::chuckles to self::)

Seriously though, we were serious. We both always wrote songs but none of us knew how to play any instruments. Sadly in Miami it’s not common to find young people who take the time to learn instruments. Here it’s all about having a “rap” career. I wont even attempt to get into that.

So we thought “LETS LEARN INSTRUMENTS” ::sighs:: Aww, how cute and NAIVE were we? She wanted to be a Drummer and I a guitarist. Hey! We were trying to be committed. I bought my first guitar and goodies (she was a Yamaha kit you buy at Guitar Center; her name was Betty) and she was given a Drum Set!

Now if only we could have found teachers to teach us how to play them, we might have been on to something more substantial than just a Band Name! (which I will not reveal!)

MUSIC has always been a HUGE passion in my heart and life. O but fear. That tricky, sneaky toxic thing. Fear of sucking. Fear that brings those insecurities that you’re not good enough. Fear holds people back. Fear is meant to trip you especially while you’re skipping in that pretty little meadow.

So what happened? How at 26, is life looking NOTHING like I thought it would by now?

Anyone out there feeling this? Its crazy how bright eyed and hopeful you are when you’re younger, in High School.

Then the real world happens. Graduation, bills, thinking of the future provision for your Life. Next thing you know, years have past and you’re only living to live each day.

I have been RIDON-CULOUSLY blessed to have a Mother who has bent over backwards to support my whims, my dreams, my struggles. She’s always been there as a single mother of two (I have an older brother who got into a car accident when he was 13 and she needs to help support him) always been there finding ways no matter what to support this small family of ours.

All the money in the world, couldn’t repay what she’s done time and time again for me. (physically, financially, and emotionally) I love her- and hope for the day when she no longer has to struggle and may relax, enjoy life more.

(pause:: Wow. I wasn’t kidding when I said I was getting personal. Practically writing a book here…with pictures! like a comic book…but not…anyway, back to the story) ::wink::

It really sucks having so many passions. Makes it so much harder to choose which one to focus on.

And I will admit, I’m not HA-mazing at any one particular. I’m averagely good at all of them. Quick to pick up things. So even more so, there’s no obvious choice here either.

I spent three years in Kansas City, MO finding perspective.

I found it. It changed my life for the better. But here’s the funny thing about finding perspective…once you’ve found the great “EUREKA” the next step is Living, Walking out perspective on our day to day life…

::cricket cricket:: Yea…totally easier said than done! So now I have returned home and thought, “Now What?”

Nothing has really turned out the way I expected. How to cope with “What’s Next?”

It dawned on me, “hey, I like hair and makeup. I’ve always played around and dabbled here and there. Instead of getting a back up degree; fall back plan in Business (snore!) go to Cosmetology school!”

The plan seemed genius. So now, I’m in a Paul Mitchell school, which is awesome… (I know I know, you feel a “but” coming on)

wait for it… Fear

I’m scared that I’ll have to be amazing in hair cause this may be what I’m stuck doing and I’ll never make music, act, write, direct, ect…

I started facing the possibility that my fall back plan was my “IT” plan and I wonder – How do I cope with that BIG unexpected?

I reminisced the other day and opened my high school year book. One year I was in a few pages cause I was in the Thespian Society (Drama Club) and I had a quote with my picture on one page. It took my breathe. I didn’t remember till that moment that I did say what I said for that interview. My heart almost wanted to cry cause I was so sure back then.

H.S. quote:

“Everything I want to do in the future has to do with drama, and I want experience in the field. Also, when I first started drama, it changed my perspective on life.”

hmm…Perspective… So… LIFE – how to cope with the unexpected?

To be honest, I’m still figuring that out for myself. Some days, I’m in control and blending with life. Other days, I get my internal break downs. (Hey I’m Artistic, I can afford to be more “life ending” dramatic ::smirk::)

Zion (my current Martin Guitar someone anonymously gave me) and I are trying to persevere, self teaching and documenting.

Yes, I know I am still young. One day though when I’m ready to settle down, it would have been nice to have experienced certain things already.

So, there it is. I have shared WAY too much with the strangers out in WiFi land but like I said, writing is healing for me. I am TERRIBLE at verbally expressing myself but in writing…sheer perfection. The emotional outlet not the writing; I know the writing’s not perfect!

Well thank you for bearing if you did. As they all say, Persevere, never give up hoping, dreaming. Dream big even… LIFE is unexpected, we can’t change that; even the craziest ofΒ  control freaks can’t change that.

It is our choice whether or not we’ll take the unexpected and let it break us or change our perspective and view it as an adventure. So kick fear in the rear! (::giggles:: I didn’t rhyme on purpose; and yes I know I’m cheesy) and Dont Give up!

“You’re all beautiful and I’m here all week! Thank You New York! and GOODNIGHT!”

tip# 764 on a stage performance, make sure your duet partner didn’t eat corn nuts before your kissing scene! yuck!

Hugs! πŸ˜‰

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About hopesreadywriter

I am a dreamer, a seeker of hope, I find magic, beauty & fear in the night sky and long to dance in the sunlight. Life has not been easy but most would never know cause I hide my heart & tears well. So here I am, wishing to release, discover, mend & find but only writing helps release the voice within that fools herself into believing, "she'll get through these things alone..." Here's pieces of me for my own release...

Posted on February 25, 2010, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Wow… thanks for being transparent. I too wanted to be in a band with my best friend, she was the guitar and I was the drums… O how time fades away too quickly. Loved it!

    • hopesreadywriter

      Wow, what a coincidence! expect I only played guitar. That must have been so cool, she was an actual Guitar and you were an actual Drum! Wish I could have seen that! πŸ˜‰
      I had a lot going through my mind and heart and needing to at least express 1/4 of it, lol … and crazy enough, I actually have people who read this. It’s weird but cool! =)

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